This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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