happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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