Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
