We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
