Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
