Can i not drive my cunt home
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
