btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
