I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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