She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize