Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
