if you like me you must not know who I am
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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