there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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