I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
