you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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