I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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