Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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