my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
