who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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