Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
it's great music for shaving your balls
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
