Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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