its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
