What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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