Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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