How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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