what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
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What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize