she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
