You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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