Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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