I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
this just has baby written all over it
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
