I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
