her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
