Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
