What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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