Kiss
Puke
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
im holly from the hills drunk
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
