I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
