I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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