New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
