You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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