If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
