dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
