Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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