are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
The ass gains better be worth it
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