So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
My ATM looks so different sober.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize