It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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