I didn't shave. On purpose
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
did i just pee glitter
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
