i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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