my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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