Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
