Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
