Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
