Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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