why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
