take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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