you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
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