nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
