So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize