Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
