shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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