Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
